Gossip or Grace

There are few sins as destructive in a Christian community as the sin of gossip. 

It can be found among moms at the playground, in the circle of men around a fire, or in the hallways between class. And one reason that this sin is so deadly is because it is insidious—by definition it is quiet (at least at first) and it can be often overlooked or excused away. We hide our gossip in prayer requests that weren’t asked for. Or we simply wave our hands and say, “You know, not to gossip… but…” and continue on. 

I recently re-read Jonathan Edwards’ famous Resolutions, and it was striking to me that out of seventy items, three or four of them directly related to gossip and speaking of others. For example, “Resolved, never to speak evil of anyone, so that it shall tend to his dishonor, more or less, upon no account except for some real good.”  

Here Edwards provides a few biblical categories to determine whether you are straying into gossip. First, is what you are speaking of “evil”? It it a report of someone’s sins or shortcomings? Second, building upon the first, does this story bring them honor or dishonor? Would you be mortified if they overheard you or if you accidentally included them in the group chat? And third, is there a good purpose to your sharing? Are you speaking to someone who ought to know about the situation or can be part of the solution for their good?

We must also remember that gossip isn’t in just speaking but also receiving. Proverbs says that the words of a talebearer are like tasty morsels that go down easy (18:8). This is because gossip makes you feel good, it makes you feel more righteous than others. And so you must not let yourself become enticed by the sweet words of a talebearer. If someone comes to you with a concerning report, it is best to ask—even awkwardly— “Have you tried talking with them about this?” And when the answer is inevitably, “No,” move the conversation on. 

The Apostle Paul wrote that we should only speak that which is “good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Eph. 4:29). And yet we know that far too often our conversations fall short of this clear standard and do not impart this grace.