Wisdom for Family Gatherings

As we head into the holiday season, it’s good to take a moment and prepare yourselves and your families for any potential difficulties you may encounter with extended family. 

Praise God, many of you have wonderful fellowship with parents and grandparents, aunts and uncles, and if that’s the case for you, do make sure to include that in your list of thanks this week. But for others, the relationships are not as calm. On the lighter end, there may be slight strains, minor disagreements, that result simply in occasional awkwardness when gathered together. On the heavier end, the pain or strife has cut deeper with unresolved and unrepentant sin. And there you are… passing the turkey down the table… trying to keep the peace in wartime. So this morning I’d like to offer you three tools to have on hand while you travel to see your families or host them in your homes this season. 

First, you must honor your father and mother – even when you do not feel they deserve such honor (Dt. 5:16). You must be committed in your hearts to obey this command, even when it’s difficult. This honor extended does not mean you are saying everything is “okay” when it’s clearly not. Rather, honor is the soil that is needed for any positive fruit to grow in your relationship with them. So lead with honor, be thankful for the good that is present, and seek to love and bless them as you spend time together. 

Second, remember the words of the Apostle Peter—“Love covers a multitude of sins" (1 Pet. 4:8). The verse immediately after this one being, “Be hospitable to one another without grumbling.” You need to ask God for the wisdom to discern when to speak up and when to remain silent when it comes to bumps and offenses. As Proverbs states, it is a man’s “glory to overlook transgression" (Prov. 19:11). When you are patient and slow to anger, you have the ability to practice the virtue of ignoring slights, knowing that there is a deeper right than being right. 

Lastly, never forget your own sin. As our Lord Jesus asked, “Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?” (Mt. 7:3–5). If you know what your own faults are, be quick to confess them and seek to be reconciled to those you have offended. You too are a character in this story, and you want to make sure that you are one that can see yourself clearly and stand before the Lord with a sincere heart and clean hands at the end of each day.